Getting the kids to obey things they really didn't want to do was nearly impossible for me. Brad never supported me. Not with our own kids and not with the kids we worked with at the church. So i had no recourse if Brad was present and every child we dealt with knew it. I quickly stopped helping him with any childrens ministry. And became harsh with our kids when he wasn't home. Abusive no, a near bully, yes. I frightened them a few times. But most of the issues we had could have been prevented if Brad had been willing to be my teammate rather than my rival.

As the children got older, the behavioral habits they had (behave how mom likes when it's just the three of us, and behave how dad allows when he is with us) continued to get worse. But the chicken also seemed to appreciate the predictable schedule and routine of spending time with only mom, even if they didn't realize it. on Saturdays , starting when Barbara was about 2, we started eaxh parent taking one child for the day. One with dad to visit kids who rode the bus to church and do other church related stuff; the other with mom for lunch out and grocery shopping and usually a little play time at the park or something (often an phosphate at the old fashioned pharmacy downtown). I was often surprised that the kids remembered who they were supposed to go go with and would often argue who was supposed to go with me. I mean what kid likes to grocery shop? But they both seemed eager to go with me instead of their dad. I found out as time went on, that was because their dad often just took them to the church and then left them to entertain themselves while he did his thing on the computer.