Engaged

Many of the people in our church had us married off within a month of our first date.  We went out three time, before he announced it to me, that is when I realized we were dating...  I really never expected anyone to be interested in me, so it didn't really occur to me that we were dating.  He is 13 years older than me, and we always had at least some of the Youth Group with us, for all I knew he was trying to recruit me for working with the teens or in the nursery or something.

Our first date was on Dec. 21, 1997.  In his appearance to be proper and upright, he met with the adopted family I had moved to Oregon with.  He explained to, at least, Grandpa Fred his intentions, but I wasn't clued in, or I would have refused that first date (if I had known that is what it was). Not because of Brad, but because of me.  I believed I was not good enough for anyone, and I didn't want anyone to start dating me and realize what a worthless person I was, and then reject me.

Anyway.

Because of their conversation, Grandpa Fred knew, the significance of knowing that date.  My birthday is in October, and everybody in the church was sure I was going to get a ring for my birthday. Brad had assured me, not yet, while laughing at their hysteria over it.  So, mostly to mess with their heads, he decided to get me a dress coat for church for the winter.  A real need since I had nothing really adequate for the weather, considering I came from the desert in So. Cal.  He said I had to go with him to pick it out, to make sure it fit, and said that it was expensive.  :)  It did the trick, there were several who were not satisfied with the gift he gave me, and they were sure he was going to do more than just the coat (the only one he bought me in 17 years. He finally bought me a new coat, not as expensive a few months before the truth came out), he didn't.

In December, as I mentioned, in the previous post, he did the 12 days of Christmas.  I got a gift every day for each of the 12 days leading up to Christmas day. The 8th day of Christmas was December 21, 1998.  He made dinner, including Santa cookies (for some reason that is the only thing I remember of the food), he kicked his mom and sister out of their home for the evening, and planned for us to watch the then new "Preacher's Wife" movie.  After we ate, but before the movie (I think) is when he proposed. But he insisted that he would not give the ring as a Christmas gift, so he also gave me a ring holder and a dozen roses (between that day and the two days before I got 19 roses).

That night was also our first kiss, and he said, "You're going to be a Preacher's Wife." Like I was going to live the movie.  Unfortunately, I did feel much like Whitney Houston's character, for many years. And became frustrated because, even though we watched that movie every year, for most of the 17.25 years we lived together, he never saw the light like the husband does in the movie. I remember thinking,"Do you not see the similarity in our lives to this movie???"  Whether he did or not, I will never know.

The weird thing is, that even though we told "my" people first (his family probably knew before we told them), and it took a whopping 5 seconds for the news to spread through the church that following Wednesday night.  Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were spent with his family, and New Years Eve, at that time was spent at the church.  I remember crying, being sad on Christmas Day, not sure why. But I remember, nobody asking me why I was sad, I know it was obvious, because I have seen pictures.

Even after we were engaged, he still would not hold my hand or show any kind of affection in public, not an arm around my shoulders or a peck on the cheek. If we were in the car alone, or if the people I was living with were gone to bed, that was different, especially if I was suffering from an intense migraine. That left me confused, and unsure what he was trying to convey.  BECAUSE of my experience with people in High School telling me,"I am your friend, just don't tell anybody." and them walking away before anyone would accuse them of liking me, I took it personally, and decided he didn't really want people to know he cared like he claimed to. I wasn't worthy of anybody caring anyway, and I needed to be thankful that he was willing to marry me.