Dating

Our dating was very one sided, I guess.  It served him primarily (remember I was needy).  We only dated on Sundays and Wednesdays.  He didn't ask me out until services were over. He basically assumed I was going to go out with him, and I dutifully waited after church every service for him to ask me and then said yes.  The older and wiser me, of today would demand at least 24 hours and I certainly wouldn't wait around after church for him to get done talking to everybody else.

We went out for Mexican food almost every Sunday, and if we didn't we went home to his (his mother's) house.  Even if we went out, we would end up at his house. He knew I didn't (and still don't) enjoy watching TV, yet that is what he had us doing pretty much every week.  Except he would set me at the end of the couch, then he would lay down with his head in my lap and then go to sleep, with me stuck, with him laying on me, no way to go home, and too nice to wake him up.  Sunday nights, we would usually go to Shari's.  Sometimes we would take some of the teens and go to Dairy Queen or Burger King. He said he liked Shari's because it was open 24-hours, so we could sit and talk as late as we wanted and didn't have to worry about them closing.  Wednesday nights were also spent at Shari's.

During that time I had questions, like why did he subject me to an afternoon full of TV, even though he knew I didn't want anything to do with it?  But he was so "good" to me, I dismissed my "red flags" as my own short comings. And he did so many "nice" things for me!

During that time I had severe chronic migraine (because of my diet, but I had no idea what the real trigger was!), and he would come calling any time I had a headache and would take me to the hospital for Demerol, and because it is wonderful stuff (it didn't take the pain away, but who cared!), he would take me home and put me to bed in his bed and he would go sleep on the couch (that was OK because he still lived at home with his mom and sister), or he would take me home and put me in my PJs and make sure I was asleep before he left (also OK because I was living with an older couple in the church who had known him for years and knew he would not do anything inappropriate).  In November during the year we were dating, he even drove the teens to Youth Conference in Portland (4 hours away) and drove back to take me to get an CT-scan, because of the headaches, and then drove back to bring the kids home. He made sure I got flowers for every major holiday, including a dozen roses on Valentines (the first for me!), and the 12 days of Christmas.  I was pretty much swept away.

He took me to the police department when I reported mt step-father's abuse.  Sat beside me the whole time, told me how amazed and impressed he was by my ability to say and do what I had done on that day, then that same day, he told me he loved me for the very first time. (another first for me!)

I did think it was weird the way he he told me that he loved me. I had asked him a few days before, because we had a strange conversation the night before I asked him if he loved me.  We had taken a couple teen girls with us to take a visitor home.  She was visiting her family for the summer, but they lived like 25 miles out of town, but we were willing to pick her up before church and drop her off.  So Brad invited a couple of the teen girls to ride along, he said to encourage friendship between the girls. After we dropped her off, the other girls went silly!  One calling me mom while we were in the grocery store, only annoyed me in the moment because I am only 6 years older than she is (funny how a year later, I was quite happy to take that role in her life when she needed it, but that story comes later).  Anyway, after we got settled back in the van and headed towards home, these girls started asking questions. One asked if Brad would marry her, meaning officiate the ceremony, but somehow that silliness lead to one of the girls asking him what he would say if I asked him to marry me.  He  said he would say no because it is the man's place to ask. that took them into a whole different conversation :)  But after the girls were dropped at their homes, he asked me what I would say if he asked.  I asked if he was asking, he said no, he just was wondering what I would say.  With that I am pretty sure I gave him an "I don't know."  Mostly because, he had never given any indication of  how he felt.  By this point we had been dating 8 months, though he had given me gifts and/or flowers at every holiday, and even a diamond necklace in July, he had yet to hold my hand, or tell me he loved me, but he was asking about marriage?  I was confused by his wondering about my response to that particular question.  So after I asked him, and after we spent a very difficult afternoon at the police department, he sat down with his bible and read Proverbs 31 to me.  Compared me to the woman described there (which is odd because I was not a wife or a mother, but...), and said,:"You asked if I love you. Yes. I love you." 

It was what I wanted to hear, so it was good enough.  And though I think it was odd now, I am pretty sure I thought it was so sweet then.


After that there was not another mention of marriage for months. He did start holding my hand, but only of there was absolutely nobody around to see it.  Not in stores, not in restaurants, certainly not in church or around the Youth Group (he was the Youth Pastor at the time).  That made me feel weird.  I thought "why is it OK to hold my hand only when there is nobody else around?"  He explained it away by saying he discouraged the teens from holding hands, and he needed to set that example for them.  It didn't set quite right as a sufficient answer, but I accepted it, and went along with it.