As the Christmas party drew near. The Grandma Lady, tried to encourage me to go, but I thought I was the only unmarried person in the class, and I didn't want to go and be the only one alone. So she talked her grandson (J) into going with me. It was an embarrassing evening because the whole group (aside from Brad and his sister) kept treating us like a couple, when it was certainly more like cousins doing something neither wanted to do, but it made Grandma happy. But J's presence there with me sparked some serious jealousy in Brad.
According to his sister, Brad complained all the way home, and she told him "(I) could date anyone I wanted, (Brad) hadn't had the nerve to even ask me out" (this wasn't told to me until long after we were married)
So, the following weekend, shortly after we returned from a Christmas open house (we got home about 9pm), the phone rang and it was Brad, inviting me to dinner and shopping in a tiny town, not too far from where we lived.
I said "yes." not considering it a date. He was 13 years older than me, I had already dismissed (in my mind)him, because he was too old.
So our first "date" was on a Sunday after church, and though I hadn't said anything to anyone, it seemed the whole church (or at least half of it) knew. I didn't realize it at first, but I got a ton of compliments on my outfit, way more than usual. Was kind of like everyone suddenly noticed I was there. It kind of made me uncomfortable, but I didn't find that extra attention was connected to dating Brad until he told me we were dating, the third time we went out.
I had never dated anyone before. I had no idea how things were supposed to work. I don't know what I expected dating to be like, but I didn't know what we were doing, and I was surprised to discover that we were dating. We only went out after church services. Sunday afternoons, after the morning services, we went to Mexican, then he would take me to his house (at 35, he still lived at home with his mother and sister claiming it was the best economic choice, and he felt obligated to stay after his father died at the beginning of that year), where he would sit is down in front of the TV (which I told him on our first date, I didn't do because I cannot control it), and he would lay down on the couch, using my lap for a pillow, and promptly fall asleep. So, I was stuck, watching TV all afternoon. Then I was "nice" enough to sit there. I hope that today, I would get up and get someone to take me home.
That is pure disrespect. To make someone do what they have told you they avoid because they have a problem, an addiction of sorts, to it, is wrong and potentially harmful. One would not do that to someone who admits to not being able to control alcohol or gambling.
Any other time we went out, Sunday and Wednesday nights primarily, we had teens from the youth group with us. Most of them resented me from the very beginning, and my general dislike for teenagers, made my connecting with them even harder. But I think there may have been more than them being unsure of the new adult in their midst and my own hostility toward teens. I remember one of them (HM) saying to me that she didn't like me at first because Brad always had tons of time for the youth group, but once we started dating the teens never saw him anymore except at church. Well that confused me then and makes me incredibly suspicious now, because I only saw or heard from him at church myself. What was he doing when he wasn't returning my pages (yes he had a pager, we dated in the pure-cell phone era, I am old now, too), and was now too busy for his beloved teens?? And what was he telling them, for them to assume he was with me whenever he was not with them?
No comments:
Post a Comment