We went on a dream vacation to Victoria, Canada for our honeymoon. Yes, the alternator went out, and it cost us the necessity of buying a new battery for the car, an extra day of vacation, walking everywhere and ultimately a new alternator before heading back home.
But aside from that, it was wonderful! I saw the alternator problem as God trying to get us to slow down and enjoy the time and relax and really enjoy each other. So, it really was not a bad thing.
It was the best vacations we ever had. The only one that we were not been tied to the clock, or severely concerned about every penny spent.
And really, I think our "happily ever after " started to end the day we returned home.
A lot of our early issues could have been classed as "normal" adjustments that needed to be made. Every couple comes together with certain expectations and has to work things out to find what works. I came from an abusive home with lots of emotional baggage, very needy, and a gross misunderstanding of what being a "submissive wife" is, mixed with a little rebellion against my grandmother who is very anti-God and His ways.
So, I dutifully got up early every morning and made breakfast for my husband, who never ate it. And finally, after weeks of discouragement, I got angry and he finally told me he doesn't like eating breakfast. He could have told me that, on or when we returned from our honeymoon, would have saved a lot of frustration, but that's power. In frustrating me, he was able to portray himself as calm and steady and clueless as to why I was so upset...
I also started trying to have dinner ready when he came home from work. And every day he came home later and later. After a while I asked him to set a dinner time. I couldn't guess when he would be home, and I wanted to have it ready, and I thought if he set the time, perhaps he would honor it... I was wrong.
About 6 weeks after we were married a couple teens in our church had trouble at home and needed a place to go. He was the youth pastor, so we welcomed them into our home. He acted hesitant, but I assured him, I really wanted to have them stay with us (partly because I liked those two, and partly because I saw it as an opportunity to support him in something that seemed very important to him)
It was strange! As soon as theses kids (only 6 & 8 years younger than me!) moved in, my husband suddenly not only wanted breakfast every morning, together as a "family", he also took it upon himself to have devotions at the breakfast table. That lasted the whole 3 months the kids were with us, then stopped as soon as they moved out. Coming home on time for dinner was also something that happened only while they were with us.
Naturally, I took it personally. What was wrong with me? What did I need to change to become lovable?
A lot of our early issues could have been classed as "normal" adjustments that needed to be made. Every couple comes together with certain expectations and has to work things out to find what works. I came from an abusive home with lots of emotional baggage, very needy, and a gross misunderstanding of what being a "submissive wife" is, mixed with a little rebellion against my grandmother who is very anti-God and His ways.
So, I dutifully got up early every morning and made breakfast for my husband, who never ate it. And finally, after weeks of discouragement, I got angry and he finally told me he doesn't like eating breakfast. He could have told me that, on or when we returned from our honeymoon, would have saved a lot of frustration, but that's power. In frustrating me, he was able to portray himself as calm and steady and clueless as to why I was so upset...
I also started trying to have dinner ready when he came home from work. And every day he came home later and later. After a while I asked him to set a dinner time. I couldn't guess when he would be home, and I wanted to have it ready, and I thought if he set the time, perhaps he would honor it... I was wrong.
About 6 weeks after we were married a couple teens in our church had trouble at home and needed a place to go. He was the youth pastor, so we welcomed them into our home. He acted hesitant, but I assured him, I really wanted to have them stay with us (partly because I liked those two, and partly because I saw it as an opportunity to support him in something that seemed very important to him)
It was strange! As soon as theses kids (only 6 & 8 years younger than me!) moved in, my husband suddenly not only wanted breakfast every morning, together as a "family", he also took it upon himself to have devotions at the breakfast table. That lasted the whole 3 months the kids were with us, then stopped as soon as they moved out. Coming home on time for dinner was also something that happened only while they were with us.
Naturally, I took it personally. What was wrong with me? What did I need to change to become lovable?
When I asked him those questions, he told me I was crazy.
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